College: LIFE 101 is now in session.

Hoo boy. Well, hello friends, it's another post. Another day in the life of Ge-Off.

College is already off to a crazy start. In the first two days I have had to return books, do homework assignments, re-arrange things, the whole shibang. It's been kinda hectic, but it's nice to back into a routine again. It's a good feeling to be going to class and having responisibility again. The one good thing is that it keeps my mind off of things that are making me sad.

Let's see. This semester is getting off to a great start. I am really enjoying all my classes. I am taking Human Growth and Development, Principles of Psychology, Multiculturalism, Men's Glee Club, University Singers, The Cosmos, and Intro to Philosophy. I am most excited to take Human Growth and Development. I am so excited for Psychology in general. I think it's my niche!

This room is so nice too. It has a living room with a coffee table, armchair, and a couch. It's pretty awesome. In the bathroom there is a HUGE space for the vanity area, and then it has two seperate rooms for the toilet and the shower too, so anyone can use the entire bathroom at the same time. And the two bedrooms are bigger than the entire dorm room in Wilson Hall. It's pretty ritzy, haha.

Being back here though, just like I thought it would, makes me miss home. A lot. I miss being readily around my friends. I miss texting them and being like "Hey, let's hang out tonight" and then it just happening. School seems to take so much away from me, but give me so much back. It seems to make them seem so far away, yet they really aren't. This feeling will pass with the school year though, I bet you anything. As much as I am sad to be away from home for the second time, it didn't hit me as hard as it did last time. Last time I was a wreck. I was so emotional, it was almost pathetic. No, not pathetic, it's just me. Nothing about me is pathetic. But anyways. I could only hope that this time it wouldn't be as bad. And, thank God, it wasn't.

I've found that as much as I miss my friends, it doesn't feel like a piece of me is missing like it did last year. This time it just feels like an extended "see ya later!". I really miss them, and have only seen Lisha and Kimmy since I came up here. Others were supposed to come and see me, but haven't. I am hoping said parties come through for me. I just want to see you, man. That's all. But anyways.

College has been strangely comforting for me...it's weird. I feel like I'm home, even though I'm not. The bed here feels more comfortable than the one at home, which makes me feel bad, but good at the same time. New North has been a really welcoming environment. The RA here is incredible, and it makes me feel good to have one that actually cares about what their residents are doing. Since I've been here, I have been telling myself everything is going to be ok, everything is going to work out the way it was meant to.

I think there are pretty big issues I need to work on this year. One of those being my tendency to overthink things and take stuff personally. No one wants to be constantly let down; no one enjoys that. I need to learn to tell myself everything is going to be ok, if it didn't happen today or right away, it will soon. I need to just learn to take things in stride. Another thing. Everyone is entitled to be sad once in a while. It's natural to be down sometimes, and to just sit and think about your life. But, I need to do it when the time is right, not when the littlest things make me upset.

I am going to conciously work on these lessons. A lot. And, I'm sure there are many others that I can work on too, but those will come with time. I am determined to have the people I need be there, and me become the man I want to be. I am determined.

Get ready world,
Ge-Off is about to rock your world, albeit slowly.

I'm sure I will have more posts coming your way soon.

My song of the day is: "Turning Home" by David Nail because I am always thinking of home, but remembering that I have a duty to fulfill here at UNC before I can go home and see my friends. This is me time, and I plan to live it up.

-Ge-Off-

The End of a...Dream?

This summer has gone by so fast. It seems that every summer I go through, something significant happens, be it good or bad. But, regardless of that, I (most of the time) am really thanful for what happens. Like I have said before, life constantly seems someone changed. I still feel like I am being molded into the person I am going to inevitabley be. I'm ready for it though.

School is fast approaching, and with that, I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I am so stoked to live in New North. What I'm most about is the fact that there will be an oven where I can cook my own food. Oh man, I am so excited to cook for me and my friends. It's gonna be splendid. Experementation here I come. When I think about it, I am most excited to meet new people. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends more than life itself, but its nice sometimes to get a break. I will most likely be down in Longmont all the time because now I have found a reason to come home, but it will be nice to be around people I haven't seen in a while. It will be nice to be in an unfamiliar place again.

Seeing as how I've changed my major, again, I have more interesting classes to look forward to. I think Psych is the one. I know that I've said that before about Art and Music, but I really do think Psych is what I wanna do. I love getting to know people and what makes them click, and I think that I would make a great counsellor. There are so many more practical applications to Psych than say Art. In the arts, you can be good and enjoy them (as I am), but when it really comes down to it, you have to EXCEPTIONAL if you plan to get anywhere. That I am not. Yes, I'm a competant singer, and yeah, I'm a better artist than most of the people I know, but that in itself doesn't make me extraoridinary. It's more of a hobby than a career for me.

These thoughts, and many others, make me excited to go back to Greeley...but there is also that which is holding me back.

I am back in my comfort zone. I am with my mom, and my best friends, and my new buddy, and that makes me content. I would be content to spend my last days with these people, and that gives me comfort, like a warm bed that you have slept in for years. Just like last year, I am feeling like my little world is kinda crashing down.

Lately, with the prospect that I'm leaving, I have been feeling like my life is in constant dischord. Nothing seems to feel right anymore. I'm not depressed, but I'm not entirely happy either. Uprooting just seems to shake things up for, but I guess that's what life is all about. It's about changing, and adapting. I guess I gotta learn that at some point.

The one things, though, that heartens me to no end, is that no matter where I go, who I meet, or what I do, I have five wonderful people here that will always be on my mind, and I on their's. It makes me smile that I have found comrades in this war called life. I know that with their support, I can do anything. My mom too. She is my conscience. I consult her on just about everything I do. I make sure that I am making her proud before I do something. That's how it's always been, and always will be.

I guess it's just sad to think that another summer has come and gone, and that every year that passes, I'm that much closer to growing up. That idea excites me, and kinda scares me too. I never thought I would be sitting here at the threshold of my SOPHOMORE year of college, in high school. I thought youth would be forever, and part of me wishes it was, but unfortunately, it's not.

So, in a week, my summer ends, and my professional life begins anew. I hope I'm ready for it.

Reflection on Summer

Hey guys, tis me, Ge-Off once again. I noticed that my first post was a little rough, and kinda unorganized. I'm contemplating either deleting it or just editing it..I don't really know yet, haha. But anwyays. Let me start by giving you a little background on me.

I am Geoff, or as most call me, Ge-Off. I am from Longmont, CO, a sleepy little town, but amazing nonetheless. I attend UNC in Greeley, CO. It is only the best school ever, so don't judge. I currently work at Walmart, but will be quitting next week, as school is my number one prority. At UNC I started out as Music Education major with a vocal emphasis, but found that I sing MUCH better in a choral setting, rather than a solo setting. With that in mind, I switched to Art Education, but found that I have lost interest in that, so I am currently an Art major taking Psych classes, haha. I plan to change my declared major to Psychology. I haven't decided yet if I want to be a teacher or a counsellor. Either way, I have enough time to consider that haha.

Can I just say, I love country music. So much. It tells such an amazing story. David Nail might just be my new favorite singer. If you don't know who he is, check him out. He is worth your time, I promise.

Summer....the meat of this post. This summer has been such an emotional ride. One I won't be forgetting soon...and I can't really decide if that's a good thing or not. At the beginning of summer, I was dreading it. I dreaded leaving people. School was such a profound experience for me. Through it, I learned who my real friends are, who I am, and, most importantly, who I'm not. I learned, that you shouldn't have to change who you are for those that matter. You shouldn't have to feel like you're annoying someone every time you talk to them. That's not what a real friend is. But anyways.

What else? Hmmm...I spent alot of time thinking in my room. My room kind of became a central area for me to think, to wallow, and to rejoice. There were many things that I considered, pondered, and did. In the beginning, I would just sit and listen to music. Most of the songs were trying to reassure me that goodbye isn't forever, or self-pity songs. At some point, I decided I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I got up and did stuff, hung out with friends, practiced, and became good at, a song on the piano (Psalm 23 by Z. Randall Stroope. Look it up). Most of the time I was just sitting there, and letting myself be consumed by my emotions.

More background. I never had a significant male, or even female, role model in my life. I grew up in a house torn by fights, drugs, alcohol, screaming, yelling, throwing things, etc. I guess you could say that the only thing I know is volatile/extreme emotions. I tend to take every little thing personally. I overreact, and I cry sometimes. Sometimes out of emotions, out of self-pity...anyways.

The only thing that gave me respite from the torture of the pain I witheld from everyone was being with other people. Anyone. Just being around someone else, simply being in their presence helped to ease my pain. I spent as much time with them as I could. We spent alot of time going to parks late at night, just to talk. Talking seemed to help more than I realize.

Honestly, besides what was said in my last post, my summer has been pretty unremarkable. Since I got my job at Walmart, I have had no time for a social life. I haven't seen my good friends since about three weeks ago when we all went bowling.

Um, I've rekindled an old fling I had. Hopefully it will go somewhere this time. Needless to say, I still really like this girl.

I'm scared that I am going to lose a friend to my emotional ways. I thought that I had complete control over my actions, and in some respects I do, but I still make stupid mistakes, and I pray everyday for God to bless me with patience, and strength. I have to believe in myself too. I just care about this person...a lot. I just met him, but he has quickly become like a brother to me, and it worries me that I am doing a better job of pushing him away than he is. He sees nothing wrong, but I continue to make something wrong. I guess I need prayer...and belief. Pray for me, if you fancy. I can't really do this on my own.

I can't even tell you how much music empowers me. Songs tend to speak to me on a very personal level, and I won't add a song to my I-pod unless it relates to something that is going on, has gone on, or makes me think "what if this were to happen to me?" Good shtuff.

I noticed that this blog is turning into a kind of random train of thought, but these are the things on my mind right now. Perhaps I should change the title, haha.

Gloriana is my favorite BAND! Different than singer haha. Check em' out. I got to meet them this summer, actually! That was such a fun experience. I randomly got tickets to the Greeley Stampede, and won backstage passes for a meet n' greet. It. Was. AMAZING! Such cool people, and such talented musicians. Check em' out, for real. Rachel...mmmm mmmm mmmm.

My laptop gets really hot when I leave it on for a long time.

I'm learning a new song on the piano called "Never Alone" by Jim Brickman. Gorgeous. Lady Antebellum sings on the recording of it, and it's awesome. Again, such talented musicians.

Back to my earlier point about losing a friend. I don't like losing friends, nor do I like making people angry (though I seem to have a knack for that...). But at the same time, friendship is a two way road. It takes two to tango, insert any other cliche expression here _____. Sometimes, it's nice to be reminded that you are being thought of every once in a while. I am almost to the point where I am going to walk away and give up on it all...which goes against my personality, but I don't like feeling like this anymore. Any suggestions as to what I should do? Meh.

Listened to a song today, by Gloriana, called "Time To Let Me Go"....think about it, it will come to you why that song spoke to me.

I've found that the songs that get stuck in my head are the ones that pertain most to the things on my mind, but I guess that's not all that strange.

I think that my life would make a kick-ass reality T.V. show, and I've thought about pitching it to MTv, just to see what would happen, haha. I would call it "The Big Five". That's what my friends and I have dubbed ourselves. Check my blog page out, they are the ones in the phote. Awesome people.

This is helping out alot, just to keep my mind off of things.

I think that this is plenty for one post, I am sure that I will have more to talk about in the next couple of days. Tomorrow is my day off and I plan to deposit my check, buy my textbooks, and then go visit my new chica friend at work. Should be a good day.

"May you always have hope, and may you find happiness, for that is what all hearts yearn for."

"Always stay 'Wild at Heart'".

Mistakes, Letting Go, and Realizations.

This is something that I deal with, almost daily. Friends are one of the most, if not THE most, important things that people need in their lives. No one can walk this road called life alone, no matter how strong you think you are. I know that, but sometimes I take that too far. I cherish my friends more than life itself, literally. I would take a bullet for any one of them, without the slightest hesitation.
I've been learning alot about myself this summer. I've learned that just when you think you are the person you want to be, you can be changed, instantly, into another person. The changes are all for the good, but what it comes down to is: Are you willing to let these changes happen? I know I wasn't. I was willing to let myself drown in my sorrow.
I hate losing people, more than anything. Loss is not something that I deal with well. But. It had to happen for me to be stronger. To quote a song that I love: "Every heartache makes you stronger". This line is so true. Heartache hurts, yes. But in the end, the wounds heal, and are stronger thus. I did have to lose people. But it taught me that no matter what, the ones that are meant to stay in your lives WILL. Someday.
It took alot for me to learn this. I went through such a emotional ride this summer with my friends. It started off two weeks before school was over. The four of us, whose names shall remain in confidence, became really close. Jason Aldean's song "Laughed Until We Cried" comes to mind right now. We got to know each other, hung out, revealed secrets, and forged an unbreakable bond (or so I thought at the time). Bonds, aren't always as strong as one would think.
Come the end of school, I took them leaving really hard. Even though I was returning to the best friends I could ever ask for, my heart was still pained because they weren't there right when I needed them. Me and one of the group got especially close. Him and I were almost like brothers (again, so I thought). And, I made a fool of myself. I took every opprotunity I could to make him mad at me by pestering him, and I did a better job of pushing him away than he ever would have done. And, to this day, I regret that more than anything this summer. I regret ruining what would have been a great friendship, and I hope it still can be. (If you haven't noticed, I like to beat myself up about stuff, I promise, I'm working on it ;]).
So, I came home. I tortured myself. I made myself believe that these people hated me, when that couldn't be farther from the truth. They didn't hate me, the hated the person I was becoming. I made a fool out of myself.
But, in every darkness, there is a glimmer of light. The Big Five, I'll call it (with every year passin' they mean more than gold).
These friends have stuck with me through thick and thin, literally (I have been on a crusade to lose weight, and I've been pretty successful). I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize what it is that I had. I realized that I shouldn't have to change who I am to feel like I fit in with friends, I should revel in myself, and be who I really am. And, from that time on, I was that way with everyone I met. Including another buddy of mine, who means the world to me, just like the Big Five.
I met said buddy through my friend Lisha. She had met him on the internet and invited him to come hang out with us one night, spur of the moment. That spur of the moment night, kinda changed my summer.
I was afraid of the term bromance, because that is what people called me and my buddy form school that didn't work out. I was afraid to let myself get close to another person that I barely knew again. But, when someone else besides me labelled it one, I got excited again. Adam and I got really close, but that was almost a bad thing.
I began to do the same thing I had done previously this summer. I took every opprotunity to make myself look like a fool without realizing it. I almost pushed him away in the same fashion I had done before. I became overbearing, needy, and emotional. I scared myself with how I acted and finally decided to do something about it. I prayed.
I prayed deep in my heart, and then from my mouth, that God would come and change me into someone who can handle his emotions. I asked him for me to be happy, even if that meant letting go of Adam. I couldn't handle the constant anxiety that I was experiencing, over a person. It's been three days since I made that prayer, and I think that God heard me. I don't care if you say God doesn't work that fast, but my deep desire to be happy, and the passion in which I said the words, and meant them, made it happen this way. Now, I realized that letting go of something, no matter how briefly, determines worth on both ends. You realize how much somone means to you, and then they in turn realize what they have too. Adam may or may not come to that realization, but he never needed to. I did. Now, I feel like nothing is wrong. I let go, thinking that that would be the last I ever heard of him. But God saw if fit to keep him in my life, and for that I thank him to no end. Letting go is hard to do, "but if you never try you'll never know, just what you're worth".
So, I have realized that God keeps those that are supposed to be in your life there.
"You're never alone."
They'll be in every beat of your heart no matter where you fly.