I struggle to see any truth in your lies...

Hello again.

I'm wrestling today. I am kind of in emotional turmoil today. I have a lot on my mind, from this RA job to Satan. So, before I go to Nebraska for the weekend, I've decided to blog about what's going on.

Last night I went to a meeting for a group called Navigators, which is pretty much an on-campus ministry. It has opened up my eyes to the evil of Satan, that's for sure. He is a liar. He tells you things that aren't true and makes you believe him. But, I know in my heart and my soul that I am saved. I am protected. Now I just need to believe that.

This RA thing has been stressing me out. I don't know how my interview went, and as much as I want to work in North, I feel like I won't be welcomed. I feel like I wouldn't be wanted...but that is just Satan lying to me. I guess I've just become so attached to it that it's making me scared to leave. I've grown accustomed to the people that are here. But I don't think that they've received me as warmly as I have them...and if I don't get the North job, I'm not really sure what I'm going to do. No, I know exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to stick it out and do the best I possibly can. But who knows, there may be a possibility of me not even getting anything, so I guess all I can do is wait.

I have plenty of time to ponder all of this though, as I'm going to Nebraska for the weekend.

I know what my biggest problem is, and it's an agreement I made with myself long ago and I now apply it to every part of my life. The lie I've come to believe is that the people who's company I enjoy, and the people that I think about the most, are the people who don't care about me and that think I'm just this annoying, needy person. I've made myself believe that over the years. But, again, those are whispered lies from the one who is out to destroy me. I am going to try and make myself believe that I am an interesting person, and that people want to be around me. I just hope that I can apply that now...even as I type this I am having a hard time believing it.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but the answers will come to me. My life seems to be getting more complicated...