There is no rest for the wicked.

My life, once again, seems to be just more and more complicated every single day.

I have been having an inner war lately. I know that I notioned to it in my last post, but it is definitely worth mentioning again.

Everyone's life if is a constant struggle to find out who they are. I am no exception. Ever since I went to Navs, and even before that, I have been wondering who I am? What do I have to bring to the table? Do people like me? I know that you're taught from a young age to not care what people think, but in reality, that isn't the case. No, you shouldn't care about those who hold no sway over your mind or your heart (and I certainly don't). But, those who do have say in your life or those you WANT to have a say in your life, are the ones that you should care about their opinions.

There are many people I want to keep in my life for various reasons. Be it something as simple as we've talked a couple of times, or something as big as you make me smile on a daily basis. Where the real struggle comes in, and where I have the most problems, is making someone see that. Why is it so hard to make friends with someone? Why must people be so callous or uncaring to those who want them to be their friends? Is it so wrong to seek comfort in someone we've just met? Is it so wrong to want to be included in people's thoughts?

I just don't understand why people don't care. I don't understand why people can see you struggling but don't do anything about it.

All I can do is pray. Maybe someday I can be the confident, caring, and personable man I know that I am and can be. I won't believe Satan any longer. I won't let myself believe that I am not coveted, and that I am not an attractive personality.

My only hope is that if I can become an RA in North Hall, or anywhere else for that matter, I will be welcomed warmly, and that I can fill the shoes of the guy or gal whom's place I am taking.

God, I just pray that you slowly but surely reveal to me who I am, and who I am going to be. I pray that you keep me steady and that you give me strength, guidance, and wisdom. I pray that you keep Satan at bay, and that you fill me with your wisdom and grace and allow me to battle this demon inside me. I don't want to feel unwanted anymore. There truly is no rest for the wicked.